I think about communication a lot. Maybe it's because I work with severely/profoundly disabled children who have little to no verbal expression; maybe it's because I'm intensely verbal, and that's the way God fashioned me...maybe both. Whichever the case may be, communication is often on my mind. Communication with God--oh, it's almost constantly in my consciousness. Whether I am effective in my communication, well, that's another story.
Flash back to about 1988 or 89...I am a brandy-new Christian, straight outta the box. I'm struggling to make it through college, working in a snake pit of a residential facility (andI'm being kind) for severely autistic and other behaviorally disordered children. The child that I worked with most, and had the best relationship with was a beautiful seventeen-year-old boy, with severe prenatal brain damage that had left him profoundly deaf, mildly visually impaired, cerebral palsied, and with a naaaaaaaasty seizure disorder. He also had some severe autistic behaviors, like head-banging and head-butting...yeah, I was on the receiving end many times. :D But he also had a spirit that would not be broken...and an incredible sense of who liked him and who did not--truly a God-given compensation. I believe it's what helped him survive this abyss away from home.
Consider this: this is a child with no words, no hearing, motor and neurological impairments, and a sensory system that was out of synch with his environment much of the time. How else is he going to be heard in a place where there are too few staff, too many children, and too much dysfunction? All too often there was too much bad stuff happpening for him to really get his needs met. I think I'd bang my head, too.
Flash back to about 1988 or 89...I am a brandy-new Christian, straight outta the box. I'm struggling to make it through college, working in a snake pit of a residential facility (andI'm being kind) for severely autistic and other behaviorally disordered children. The child that I worked with most, and had the best relationship with was a beautiful seventeen-year-old boy, with severe prenatal brain damage that had left him profoundly deaf, mildly visually impaired, cerebral palsied, and with a naaaaaaaasty seizure disorder. He also had some severe autistic behaviors, like head-banging and head-butting...yeah, I was on the receiving end many times. :D But he also had a spirit that would not be broken...and an incredible sense of who liked him and who did not--truly a God-given compensation. I believe it's what helped him survive this abyss away from home.
Consider this: this is a child with no words, no hearing, motor and neurological impairments, and a sensory system that was out of synch with his environment much of the time. How else is he going to be heard in a place where there are too few staff, too many children, and too much dysfunction? All too often there was too much bad stuff happpening for him to really get his needs met. I think I'd bang my head, too.
But it was through this incredibly beautiful, incredibly impaired child, that I received my first lesson about what God the Father wants our relationship with Him to be. There was an moment in the morning, when I was getting him showered and shaved, and ready for the day. Always the taskmaster (mistress???), I was having him dress himself as much as he could, rather than saving time and just doing it for him. Of course, with only one fully functional side, he required a certain amount of help. Again, playing the role as bossy overbearing Sailfish (and one great and good friend understands fully what that means!), I would wait, or prompt him to use his sign language to ask me for help. This was not for the purpose of control, or just meanness...my theory was that the more he could do for himself, AND the more he clearly communicated, the less likely it would be for him to be mistreated (at least, that was my prayer for him). Yes, of course I knew what he needed and wanted...but I wanted him to TELL me...to use his words, in whatever form they came in.
So as I stood there one morning waiting for him to tell me what he needed, it struck me that this is what it must be like, on a much deeper level, with God. Without a doubt He knows our deepest needs, hopes, fears . He knows that cry of the heart that can barely be verbalized. But like my little guy here, we need to practice communicating with him. He delights in our daily, hourly, moment-by-moment communication with Him. He wants to hear from us. His shoulders are even big enough to handle our panicked head-butts, even our anger and frustration. He will not be moved. It was a big moment for this baby Christian; in fact, it might have been the moment where some of the untruths I'd learned began to be undone ( a long process that is not finished yet! :D). But it was a start. Could it be that in our spiritual frailties, which were at least as big as my little guy's physical infirmities, we were STILL wanted and sought after by the Father? And...were these wobbling little baby steps towards intimacy with God enough? Were my bumbling prayers acceptable?
What a concept. God used one of his "least ones" to show me, also least, in my own estimation, how much he desired relationship with me...all I had to do was keep the communication going...and learn to love Him with all my soul, heart, and mind.
It's a journey.
sail
3 comments:
Sail, we have much in common... and it is a journey... Loved this entry for so many reasons. =) God is good to us, isn't He?
Psalm 139 sums this up - how intricately and intimately God knows us. But it still doesn't hurt to talk to him every now and then - it's a PRIVILEGE, not a responsibility!! I hope we can all remember that and to not take that for granted, and to also appreciate the "little things" in life that can make us profoundly go "WOW"!!!
Thanks sis for posting this. Took me back to old times and to the present all at the same time...all very tender moments.
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