huge little blessings

This has been an unbelieveably stressful month. To some degree, it is not over yet, and I am still feeling the residual anxiety that comes with anything traumatic. Things are on the upswing now, but until the matter that precipitated this stress is fully dealt with, I am sure I will be feeling a little unsettled. The good news is, I am having more peaceful moments than anxious ones, and that is a good thing. This week I have learned to treasure huge little blessings that keep me afloat and help me realize that God still has me in the palm of His hand. Communion with Him as I go about mundane and mindless tasks remind me that no matter how we feel about circumstances and/or ourselves, He sees us as pure and lovely, freshly washed in the Blood. We are free, free to talk with God, free in this country to worship Him at our church of choice, free to live, as some song lyrics say, "with reckless confidence." I love that. Friends, family and love are HUGE blessings. Face to face time is the best, but even when that can't be...a simple phone call, an e-mail, a text message...how blessed we are to have each other...again, more lyrics: "Forever we'll have one another/Because we belong to the Lord/And so we belong to each other/And that is our greatest reward..." Nature...walking in New England on an early fall morning, feeling the cooler air coming in, seeing the very tops of trees begin to burn red and gold is strangely restorative to my soul. I've always been a cool/cold weather person, so I can feel myself begin to come alive again after the dog days of summer. After the heat, the temperature respite is welcome...look, another blessing!

And when I come out on the other side of this turmoil, I will be able to see with both my heart and my head that this is a blessing also. At the moment...well, I'm not so sure (small grin). But later, when I have healed a bit, and I am not so traumatized by all this--and indeed, have come out a bit stronger...well, that will be another huge little blessing. May I be wise enough to pass it on.

Wishing you His peace,

Sail

the waiting is the hardest part

" Marybess, it's NEVER gonna be my turn!" Three-year-old Parker flung himself into my arms as yet another group of six children (who AGAIN didn't include Parker) were admitted to the Moonwalk at the Wachusett Mountain Apple-Fest.

Ah, yes...this is truly tragic when you're three--excuse me, three and a half. After all, both his older sisters had gone in, and all these big kids were going before him--this was just SO not fair, in his mind. It truly seemed that his turn would NEVER come.

I pick the strangest places to ponder, and here, as I cuddled my little buddy (who alas, has turned seven--although he will still cuddle with me..AND he pronounces my name correctly now, as well... :D), I pondered reality. I know...Sail pondering reality...yes, be very afraid.

So as I snuggled him, I assured him that it would certainly be his turn soon. I'm not quite sure he really believed me. I thought about Parker's reality, which was that his turn was NEVER going to show up. My reality in this situation, was that it would simply be a few minutes longer. Then I thought about the reality of all humans who are waiting on God to allow a long- standing prayer, or the one true desire of the heart to come to pass at last. Waiting for that cry of the heart to be answered, whatever it may be.

Hmm.

I got a bit of an image at this point; a mental picture of God the Father holding us close, as we lamented to Him that we were tired of waiting, for whatever it was. Instead of being the impatient parent, He was gentle, maybe burying his face in our hair, like I was doing with Parker, kissing us the way I was smooching Parker, and whispering, "Don't worry. It's coming. Hold on. " (oh, and by the way, i in NO way mean to equate my actions with those of the Lord...). Maybe we, like Parker, are not always quite ready to hold onto that, and trust it. What I'm learning lately is that, thankfully, God doesn't get tired of us, in all our toddler-like impatience and unbelief. The waiting, truly is the hardest part. He understands.

So, in the end, Parker got his turn in the moonwalk, and it was good. :) My prayer for you is that whatever answer you are waiting on the Lord for, that you will not grow weary in the times when it seems like you are in a holding pattern. And that you will remember to curl up in His arms when it seems like it's too much.

In His love,

Sail

9/11

City of Dreams

On the top of the towers, you can see past the narrows

Past Our Lady of the Harbor, and the broad open sea.

See the curves of the earth on the vast blue horizon

From the world's greatest city, in the land of the free.

All the brave men and women that you never would notice

From the precincts and the firehalls were first on the scene.

Storming into the buildings on the side of the angels

They were gone in an instant in the belly of the beast.

And we are children of slavery, children of immigrants

Remnants of tribes, and tired refugees.

As the walls tumble down we are stronger together

Stronger than we ever knew we could be.

Strong as that statue that stands for the promise

Of liberty here in this City of Dreams.

All the flags on front porches, and the banners of unity,

Spanning the bridges from the top of the fence

As we heal up the wounds and take care of each other

There's more love in this nation than hate and revenge.

And we are children of slavery, children of immigrants

Remnants of tribes and tired refugees

As the walls tumble down we are stronger together

Stronger than we ever knew we could be.

Strong as that statue that stands for the promise

Of liberty here in this City of Dreams.

-- David Wilcox

I was going to exercise my First Amendment rights to free speech in this blog...but I decided against it. Thank God for the delete key. I deleted a whole five paragraphs--not because I wrote anything indecent; just because I looked at my draft and realized that the anger pouring out in my words was probably counterproductive. It's justified anger, for sure...but we all have that anger in us over that horrible day 5 years ago. I didn't need to add my fuel to the fires that are burning people who are already raw. And more than that, I need my words to reflect Jesus in me. I need to strive towards becoming the woman of God that I want to be...so the anger didn't need to be announced.

So, instead of hearing another rant of the fish, I encourage you to read the lyrics posted above...better yet, go find the disc (Into the Mystery is the title of the disc, by the American David Wilcox (tho there's nuttin' wrong with the Canadian Wilcox! :)) and listen to the song. It is only one of a very fine collection of musical offerings.

I pray that you experience peace today.

Lord, watch over our nation, our allies, our loved ones. You can take care of this so much better than we ever could. Amen and amen.

Blessings,

Sail

welcome home

We said goodbye last week to one of my former clients, a young man who had horrific multiple genetic and developmental anomalies. He'd been ill for quite some time, so his passing was not so much of a shock as it was just sad--sad only because he will be missed.

I am continually amazed at the strength and tenacity that these children have. The challenges that he faced were unbelieveable. The funeral home provided an online slide show of some of the moments of his life, and although I wasn't going to look at it, I couldn't help myself. In the pictures, I watched him grow weaker and weaker physically, but his spirit, and his will (which I knew was CONSIDERABLE, from first-hand experience ...:D ) never wavered. True, his intellectual capacity could not fathom how ill he really was...but I have come to believe that God gives each of these childen a core of fine steel. Steel because they are really at the mercy of whoever takes care of them. With the caretaker issue, sometimes you hit the jackpot and sometimes you hit rock bottom. Multiply-disabled children and adults need all the steel in their spines that they can get, because it is a matter of survival for them.

This is probably my least coherent blog. So many thoughts are running through my head. I will close with the thing that I really just wanted to say at the get-go...

Welcome home, Corey. You fought a long and hard battle that few of us will ever know. I know that God will make Heaven perfect for you...so right now, I'll bet you're having a grand old time hanging with Jesus, riding on your own personal railroad and praising with harps lutes and lyres. And now, at long last, you have the strength to play as long as you want. See you when I get there.