transitions, part one

Hold it Up to the Light

lyrics and music by David Wilcox

It's the choice of a lifetime - I'm almost sure

I will not live my life in between anymore

If I can't be certain of all that's in store

This far it feels so right

I will hold it up - hold it up to the light,

Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here

This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear

That the choice I was made for will someday appear

And I'll be too late for that flight

So I hold it up - hold it up to the light,

Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

It's too late - to be stopped at the crossroads

Each life here - a possible way

But wait - and they all will be lost roads

Each road's getting shorter the longer I stay

Now as soon as I'm moving - my choice is good

This way comes through right where I prayed that it would

If I keep my eyes open and look where I should

Somehow all of the signs are in sight

If I hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?

I'm scared, Is my life at stake?

But I see if you gave me a vision

Would I never have reason to use my faith?

I was dead with deciding - afraid to choose

I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose

But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move

And trust that the timing is right

Yes and hold it up hold it up to the light

Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

I think David Wilcox is one of the reasons I abandoned trying to be a songwriter. :) I don't mean that negatively.

I just mean that this man says things that I long to, and just so much more eloquently. And this song has been stuck in my head for the past three weeks, because I made the decision to create a timeline, and embark on a new life, in a new region, new home, new church, new everything. It's all a bit surreal at the moment.

I'm moving to Kentucky. KENTUCKY!! The MID-SOUTH!!! You know, where the summers are looong, and hot....and people move very slowly....Good Lord, is this area ready for this type-A, restless, quick-talking Northeasterner?

Yes, I'm a New Englander. I was born and raised in Boston, and have lived in the central part of the state for most of my adult life. I love the city, I love the hustle and bustle and the constant energy that urban areas bubble with. And then there is the family issue...well, as you get older, the people you choose to be close to become more precious to you. Ten years ago I reconnected with one of my brothers, and one of my aunts, after seven years of separation. It wasn't that we were angry with each other...let's just say that too much chaos and a large chunk of tragedy had worn us down, and much like battle-fatigued soldiers, we simply ended up in a survival mode that did not allow for any real contact. But it's all good now, and I would be lying if I said I did not have a substantial amount of separation anxiety at this point in time. We as humans tend to avoid discomfort if we can...and I cannot avoid this, so all I can do is accept the strange knot in my stomach, and concentrate on the upbeat points of this move--and they are many, many, many. Love is the main reason. Like the songwriter above, I asked God to "bless this decision." Yes, there is trepidation...not about this man that I am going to be with...but of the package as a whole. Will I assimilate? Will I adjust to living in a smaller town? Will I keep my identity? Will I become the Proverbs 31 woman I pray I can be? Yes...it does feel like "my life at stake" here...but a leap of faith is required for the future I had prayed so hard for, and indeed, had almost given up on. And suddenly, God moved, and showed me something, someone that was more than I had ever dared hope for.

So throughout this next chunk of time, I will pack, clean, put stuff in storage. I will press on through the anxiety of goodbye. I will trust that God is holding both of us, and our future, in His hands. He will take care of my brother and my aunt, my friends, and my clients...the little people who truly are His least ones. And so much better than I ever could. And when the doubt kicks in, I will hold it up to the light.

Blessings to you all,

sail